Life in Beigeland explained
Ba-Ba-Ba BaBaBa-Borrring. That is what it's been lately. Sure there has been work. Sure there have been errands. Housework. Cooking. Cleaning. Working out. Hanging out. But I am boooorrrreeeed.
Hmm, is that all life becomes? A series of tasks? What exciting thing do I need to do? Is it about going out? Cause that isn't all it's cracked up to be either. There is all the driving and the traffic and the wait and the lines and the drama and the food and the calories and the bad service and the hefty bill and the tipping and the driving and the traffic and then back home. Oh and did I mention CONSTRUCTION. If I see one more orange cone or one more lane goes away..so help me. I mean, leaving the house is like a pain in the ass that might not be worth it half the time.
So, what about a vacation? OOOH lordy, do not even get me started. If I think going out to dinner is a pain in the ass, imagine what I think about vacations? Our honeymoon is the perfect example. What a huge pain in the ass that was. I wish we'd just stayed home and saved our $5k. Customs, immigration, bag searches, crowded planes, uncomfortable beds, huge resorts, so-so food, Mexico tummy issues, too much liquor (yes, too much)(or...maybe not enough..hmm?) crowded buses, stupid tours (LOBSSSTER DIIINER CRUISE) (don't ask) etc etc etc. There was very little relaxing and very little "honeymooning". I think I was more tired after we got back then I was after the damn wedding. BUT. We did it, it's over, life goes on, yadda yadda yadda.
So, back to the excitement. What is it that I feel I am lacking? The perfect house? No wait, working on that one...constantly. (Not gonna happen) Nope, that isn't it. I mean the constant barrage of shit around the house and the lack of organization and the overload of clutter cant help. But it isnt IT. More money? I don't think so. We're ok...more is always better, but we're pleased. Sure, the wedding was hella expensive and we'll be paying that off until we die. (Actually, we'll have it done by next year, however, still way too long to pay for ONE DAY) Well, what is it? I wish I could figure it out.
Maybe I should just go skydiving or something and get the big adrenaline rush over with. The wedding was supposed to be a big hooplah. That is what the whole year of planning was about. It was nice (a lackluster experience that is way overrated, talked up and expensive) but blah. Although, don't get me wrong. It's the WEDDING not the marriage I am speaking of. I would marry M again in a minute, the marriage is amazing, the wedding part was eh. I think that it would have been a lot better if I didn't listen to what everybody else said, and worry over every little penny. If I would have just gone with my initial gut instinct and where M and I wanted it and said, yes, a wedding will cost $25k no matter what you do, then I think things would have been a LOT LOT LOT better.
Perhaps I have a bit of the expectation hangover I have heard so much about...Its like the day after Christmas, only it lasts for months or more. I think it's a combination of a lot of factors together that make up the "perfect storm" of boredom, depression, defeat, anger, frustration, and damn near surrendering.
I'd like to say "at least I have my health" but we all know I can't say that. I am so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired that I am just sick. (and tired?) I am so sick and tired, in fact, that I think I will just have a Dr. Pepper...which totally doesn't help my cause. Fibromyalgia is not helped by sodas. (nor is anything else I know of) However, it will make me happier for the moment....and isn't that all what it's about? Hmm, maybe that is it. Maybe I worry about how I am feeling right NOW and not how I could be feeling later.
But aren't we supposed to live in the moment? Hmm, well I think I have read TOO much and know TOO much. Too much Oprah and self-help and "you are a snowflake". Perhaps my stress comes from the battle between "You should feel motivated to get healthy and bad about yourself because you need to lose a bit of weight", but at the same time "You should feel guilty for feeling bad about yourself because you are supposed to love yourself for who you are and if people dont like it, then it's their problem". Those are some pretty strong opposing forces.
And what is fibromyalgia anyway? I mean its this cluster of symptoms that the drs dont know where they came from, and you always feel bad and hurty, and cant sleep, and get overwhelmed and stressed out easily and have poor nutrient absorption and migraines and female issues and anemia and slow healing time and more stress and hormonal imbalances and etc etc etc. But doesn't each one of those kind of cause each other?
If you don't get sleep, you are prone to stressing out and then the stress causes hormone imbalances, which then in turn affects the female stuff, and then that gets out of whack, so you are more stressed, and then comes the nutrient malabsorption with the anemia and then you don't get the nutrients you need, so then you can't sleep and can't heal, and you are always in pain, which leads to more stress and then the cycle starts over again. And that, my friends, seriously sucks.
SO, that said. Here we are. In Beigeland.
Hmm, is that all life becomes? A series of tasks? What exciting thing do I need to do? Is it about going out? Cause that isn't all it's cracked up to be either. There is all the driving and the traffic and the wait and the lines and the drama and the food and the calories and the bad service and the hefty bill and the tipping and the driving and the traffic and then back home. Oh and did I mention CONSTRUCTION. If I see one more orange cone or one more lane goes away..so help me. I mean, leaving the house is like a pain in the ass that might not be worth it half the time.
So, what about a vacation? OOOH lordy, do not even get me started. If I think going out to dinner is a pain in the ass, imagine what I think about vacations? Our honeymoon is the perfect example. What a huge pain in the ass that was. I wish we'd just stayed home and saved our $5k. Customs, immigration, bag searches, crowded planes, uncomfortable beds, huge resorts, so-so food, Mexico tummy issues, too much liquor (yes, too much)(or...maybe not enough..hmm?) crowded buses, stupid tours (LOBSSSTER DIIINER CRUISE) (don't ask) etc etc etc. There was very little relaxing and very little "honeymooning". I think I was more tired after we got back then I was after the damn wedding. BUT. We did it, it's over, life goes on, yadda yadda yadda.
So, back to the excitement. What is it that I feel I am lacking? The perfect house? No wait, working on that one...constantly. (Not gonna happen) Nope, that isn't it. I mean the constant barrage of shit around the house and the lack of organization and the overload of clutter cant help. But it isnt IT. More money? I don't think so. We're ok...more is always better, but we're pleased. Sure, the wedding was hella expensive and we'll be paying that off until we die. (Actually, we'll have it done by next year, however, still way too long to pay for ONE DAY) Well, what is it? I wish I could figure it out.
Maybe I should just go skydiving or something and get the big adrenaline rush over with. The wedding was supposed to be a big hooplah. That is what the whole year of planning was about. It was nice (a lackluster experience that is way overrated, talked up and expensive) but blah. Although, don't get me wrong. It's the WEDDING not the marriage I am speaking of. I would marry M again in a minute, the marriage is amazing, the wedding part was eh. I think that it would have been a lot better if I didn't listen to what everybody else said, and worry over every little penny. If I would have just gone with my initial gut instinct and where M and I wanted it and said, yes, a wedding will cost $25k no matter what you do, then I think things would have been a LOT LOT LOT better.
Perhaps I have a bit of the expectation hangover I have heard so much about...Its like the day after Christmas, only it lasts for months or more. I think it's a combination of a lot of factors together that make up the "perfect storm" of boredom, depression, defeat, anger, frustration, and damn near surrendering.
I'd like to say "at least I have my health" but we all know I can't say that. I am so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired that I am just sick. (and tired?) I am so sick and tired, in fact, that I think I will just have a Dr. Pepper...which totally doesn't help my cause. Fibromyalgia is not helped by sodas. (nor is anything else I know of) However, it will make me happier for the moment....and isn't that all what it's about? Hmm, maybe that is it. Maybe I worry about how I am feeling right NOW and not how I could be feeling later.
But aren't we supposed to live in the moment? Hmm, well I think I have read TOO much and know TOO much. Too much Oprah and self-help and "you are a snowflake". Perhaps my stress comes from the battle between "You should feel motivated to get healthy and bad about yourself because you need to lose a bit of weight", but at the same time "You should feel guilty for feeling bad about yourself because you are supposed to love yourself for who you are and if people dont like it, then it's their problem". Those are some pretty strong opposing forces.
And what is fibromyalgia anyway? I mean its this cluster of symptoms that the drs dont know where they came from, and you always feel bad and hurty, and cant sleep, and get overwhelmed and stressed out easily and have poor nutrient absorption and migraines and female issues and anemia and slow healing time and more stress and hormonal imbalances and etc etc etc. But doesn't each one of those kind of cause each other?
If you don't get sleep, you are prone to stressing out and then the stress causes hormone imbalances, which then in turn affects the female stuff, and then that gets out of whack, so you are more stressed, and then comes the nutrient malabsorption with the anemia and then you don't get the nutrients you need, so then you can't sleep and can't heal, and you are always in pain, which leads to more stress and then the cycle starts over again. And that, my friends, seriously sucks.
SO, that said. Here we are. In Beigeland.
posted by Amy | 1:47 PM
1 Comments:
I love what you have written!!! you cracked me up a few times :)
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